On a bus ride into town
I wondered out loud "Why am I going to town?"
And as I looked around at the billboards and the stores
I thought "Why do I look around?"
And I kissed the filthy ground
And in the first dry spot I found
And I didn't have to wonder why I was laying down.

Before long I was too cold
Took a bus back to the station
I found a letter left by a pay phone
With no return contact
And it read like a horn blown by some sad angel
"Funny, it was me... it was me who let you down"
It was the shyest attempt I'd ever seen at conversation

If I didn't have You as my guide I'd still wander lost in Sinai,
Counting the plates of cars from out-of-state,
(how I could jump in their path as they hurry along!)
You surround me, you're pretty but you're all I can see,
like a thick fog - if there was no way into God,
I would never have laid in this grave of a body for so long.

And Bonner fair always came through the first week of September
But it's already the 19th
And there's no sign of it.
Yet I have a hard time
Remembering all the things that I should remember
And a hard time
Forgetting the all things that I am supposed forget.

Oh Christ when You're ready to come back
I think I'm ready for You to come back
But if You want to stay wherever exactly it is You are,
That's okay too - it's really none of my business.
If I didn't have You as my guide I'd still be wandering lost in Sinai
Or down by the tracks watching trains go by to remind me:
There are places that aren't here.
I had a well but all the water left
So I'll ask Your forgiveness with every breath,
If there was no way into God,
I would never have laid in this grave of a body for so long, dear.

yes VH1. I totally did rip your title for m personal little blog. I hope you come and sue me.

But for real, i really do love the 90s. My "not knowing what to listen to" streak has come to a close. I can't stop listening to the Goo Goo Dolls. They are so good. I love them. I finally bought A Boy Named Goo. Nothing will be as good as Dizzy Up the Girl, but a Boy Named Goo, is pretty damn good. I discovered my old Blur and Blues Traveler albums. Both One-Hit-Wonders for sure, but you have to admit Song 2 and Run-Around are excellent. I like to dance to them :].

So fuck my life. I think I talk to girls too much.

I don't understand these things.

Whatever. I'm gonna go find a movie.

In Narnia, Peter was so gay. they should have made him stronger, or at least not as much of a baby. it would have been more epic. I still love those movies/books though. Aslan is freaking sweet. He's actually my dad.

So I have the recurring battle within myself, and there are three parts of me fighting. Who I am, Who I want to Be, and Who I know I should Be. Who I want to be is winning. When I picture what inside of me looks like, It's Jesus with the sacred heart bursting with red and white light and Jesse Lacey with Black and Blue Light, hurdling towards each other. It's two totally different ideologies. I want them both. I know I can't have them both though.

it's fall break. i feel lonely at home. haha that's weird.
i like my friends in college, they like me for who I really am.
i've been really tired and sick.
i hope liam's okay. i couldn't drive him home without spilling his water, so i gave him a 7 day food tablet.

i'm going through a phase where I don't know what I want to listen to :\.
this is sad.